Friday 20 July 2007

Indian male seeking lesbian for MOC

Typical headlines: Hindu male seeks Hindu lesbian for MOC, lesbian muslim looking for gay muslim, sikh gay girl looking for sikh gay guy for marriage of convenience, hindu/punjabi looking for MOC...

The variations go on forever and extend beyond the South Asian community. And not all MOC's involve gay people. In fact, it seems as though most relate to those looking for a green card and are willing to pay their future spouse for their help. But if you scour the internet, you will find many gay and lesbian Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Christians etc searching for potential partners. What does this say about society and how unaccepting it is? What does this say about how gay people, namely South Asians, are forced to stay in the closet and search for an MOC as a 'way out'? What does this say about myself and my inability to tell my family the truth?

I am proud of who I am, but I'm too much of a coward to tell my family the truth. I don't know if they will disown me or accept me, I sincerely hope it's the latter. But what if it is? Will I ever find out someday?

My Girlfriend - What does she think of my MOC?

My girlfriend is not South Asian, so she doesn't really understand the importance of marriage in my culture. However, she initially thought it was a perfect solution to my dilemma and supported me when I told her that I was thinking of doing an MOC with a gay Indian. She encouraged me to look for someone asap and offered to help look. Unfortunately, I felt she was quick to pick just any gay guy off the net. She believed there was not much of a selection and we were running out of time. She wanted it done fast so that we could be together much faster.

I was frustrated with her inability to understand that muslims are not sikhs, and sikhs are not hindus. Alright, she knew that much, but she didn't understand how much background South Asian parents look into and how many things have to match up. For example, my parents would not agree to me marrying a muslim, even if he were Indian. It would have defeated the purpose if I married out of religion/caste because it would have similar consequences to me coming out of the closet! Well, maybe...

Now my girlfriend is not satisfied with the MOC because we aren't seeing each other as much as we thought we would. This is due to issues with my 'husband', but I will get into detail in another article...

Why I married a Gay Man - MOC

Being gay or lesbian in the South Asian community can be challenging. I couldn't bring myself to tell my family that I'm gay because it would cause them heartache, humiliation and there is a possibility they may disown me. Also, I fear they wouldn't understand, because I am not a stereotypical gay girl. And now, well, I'm married. How on earth will they understand now?

I believe I had 3 options:
1. Stay single
2. Get married to a straight man
3. Get married to a gay man in a similar situation - MOC (marriage of convenience)

If I stayed single, my family would continuously be on my case looking for a suitable match for me. They would be heartbroken and I would probably end up living with my parents forever.

I could never marry a straight man. It would be wrong on so many levels. I couldn't pretend to be in love with someone, it's immoral. Not only that, I would probably become depressed over time and live an incredibly sad and empty life.

Doing an MOC with a gay man seemed to be a good solution to my dilemma. This way my family would be happy that I got married, and my husband would know exactly what he's getting into. Ohh, but the heartache I suffer now is immense...did I make the wrong decision? I'm still figuring this out...

Lesbian Married to Gay Man - MOC

I'm a lesbian married to a gay man...no, really. And let me tell you, it's one big roller coaster. I felt as though I had no choice but to marry a gay man, and now I'm not so sure. I'll unravel the details overtime regarding the misery that is called 'my marriage'...funny thing is, everything seems fine to the outside world. Sad reality is, I feel as though I'm going to explode...!!

I had a marriage of convenience, known as an MOC. An MOC between gay people is more common than you may think, in fact the numbers are probably shocking. Ads for an MOC usually go something like gay male looking for lesbian for marriage. I've scoured the web for men looking for an MOC and eventually found what I thought I was looking for. I will write about my experiences doing an MOC with a gay man and how this can either be the biggest mistake of my life, or the best thing I could have pulled off. Please stay tuned for a very interesting read on my life as I see it...