I Said I Can't Cook!

When I married my gay husband, he knew I couldn't cook. How did he know this? Because I said "I can't cook". He was fine with it; he told me it was irrelavent. Think about it, we're two gay people having an MOC (marriage of convenience) so that our families won't think we're gay. Why would me being a good cook factor into our decision? Well, it didn't. Or so I thought.

The other day, he texted me before he came home and asked me what we were having and I told him I was making spaghetti. He texted me back and asked if it had chicken in it, and I said no. So, he texts me back and says "absolutely not then, make something with chicken in it, I'll be home in 15 minutes and I'm starving". HOW RUDE! First of all, it's 8:00pm and I don't have the car, so I'm stuck with minimal food at home. Second of all, I CANT COOK! How gay is that?? Pardon the pun. Luckily, I had bought beef the night before and put it in the spaghetti.

When he got home, the first thing he did was go into the kitchen and complain that I hadn't put enough sauce in the food. He grabbed the utensil from me (gawd, I can't even think of the name of it right now) and started stirring the pot. He ordered me to go set the table and clean up, which I did. As soon as we sit down, our conversation went something like this:

HIM: How can you not know how to cook? You're asbolutely useless!
ME: Umm, I told you I don't know how to cook and you were okay with it...I dont unders--
HIM: Just shutup! If someone says they don't know how to cook, it means that they can't cook a lot of different foods, but they have at least 2 main dishes that they're good at
ME: Hmm. Well, I said "I can't cook". That meant, that I can't cook.
HIM: You're a pathetic excuse for a woman, even guys have one dish that they know how to cook well. I want you to list 10 Mexican dishes, 10 Italian dishes, 10 Chinese dishes, and 10 Japanese dishes. Go on. I'll give you a second to think about it, just list them out verbally to me.
ME: You're joking right?
HIM: Why the f*** would I be joking, you can't even list one dish from any of those cultures, what have you learnt all these years? Have you never been to a restaraunt in your life, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being if you ask me. I can't believe you conned me into marrying you
ME: I don't understand, all I did was put too little sauce in the food, and you're asking me to list out--
HIM: Just shutup and listen to me! You lied to me. You didn't give me any details or indication that all you can do is stick food in the microwave
ME: I told you I cant cook. How much more detail did you want??? Its self explanatory. I CANT COOK, means I CANT COOK!
HIM: My sister in law says she can't cook, but she knows how to cook so many different types of fajitas
ME: Well then you're calling her a liar.
HIM: You're a f*****g wh*re. You conned me ------

>INSERT FIGHT HERE<

Ugh, what a nasty, yet normal, day. This is a day when I actually stuck up for myself and managed to somewhat preserve my sanity and my dignity.

Totally straight, but just a sexual handicap...

So when we first started talking online, he told me what I'll get is a straight guy who's just "sexually challenged". Basically, he was informing me that he's completely straight acting, and the only thing that makes him a stereotypical gay male is his attraction to men. Boy, is he a liar. Trust me, I've met men that you just cannot tell are gay. My husband, believe me, he is flaming!

Ok, so he tries to act straight when he's around his buddies or his family, but it's just not working. How can they not have suspected anything by now when the things he talks about are so....well......gay! I have to give him some credit though. He dresses down, doesn't (usually) do any femme hand motions, and he likes to drink and talk about football. Sure, this helps ease the tension somewhat, but he brings up the weirdest conversations.

Just the other day, we were out with a couple of his friends. They started talking about going out to vegas for a mini-vacation and how much fun it would be blowing cash on strippers, just the regular straight-guy talk I suppose. Half way through the conversation, he starts talking about how he enjoys going on vacations that allow him to enjoy the culture and watch people go about their daily routines, watching impeccably dressed women and how well they apply their makeup, and appreciating the different wines and food and...blah blah blah. Is that not 'gay' talk?

I confronted him about this, and he told me I am deprived of any culture whatsoever and have lived a sheltered life. Ugh, typical. He just can't admit that he's not the straight guy he pretended to be.

Indian male seeking lesbian for MOC

Typical headlines: Hindu male seeks Hindu lesbian for MOC, lesbian muslim looking for gay muslim, sikh gay girl looking for sikh gay guy for marriage of convenience, hindu/punjabi looking for MOC...

The variations go on forever and extend beyond the South Asian community. And not all MOC's involve gay people. In fact, it seems as though most relate to those looking for a green card and are willing to pay their future spouse for their help. But if you scour the internet, you will find many gay and lesbian Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Christians etc searching for potential partners. What does this say about society and how unaccepting it is? What does this say about how gay people, namely South Asians, are forced to stay in the closet and search for an MOC as a 'way out'? What does this say about myself and my inability to tell my family the truth?

I am proud of who I am, but I'm too much of a coward to tell my family the truth. I don't know if they will disown me or accept me, I sincerely hope it's the latter. But what if it is? Will I ever find out someday?

My Girlfriend - What does she think of my MOC?

My girlfriend is not South Asian, so she doesn't really understand the importance of marriage in my culture. However, she initially thought it was a perfect solution to my dilemma and supported me when I told her that I was thinking of doing an MOC with a gay Indian. She encouraged me to look for someone asap and offered to help look. Unfortunately, I felt she was quick to pick just any gay guy off the net. She believed there was not much of a selection and we were running out of time. She wanted it done fast so that we could be together much faster.

I was frustrated with her inability to understand that muslims are not sikhs, and sikhs are not hindus. Alright, she knew that much, but she didn't understand how much background South Asian parents look into and how many things have to match up. For example, my parents would not agree to me marrying a muslim, even if he were Indian. It would have defeated the purpose if I married out of religion/caste because it would have similar consequences to me coming out of the closet! Well, maybe...

Now my girlfriend is not satisfied with the MOC because we aren't seeing each other as much as we thought we would. This is due to issues with my 'husband', but I will get into detail in another article...

Why I married a Gay Man - MOC

Being gay or lesbian in the South Asian community can be challenging. I couldn't bring myself to tell my family that I'm gay because it would cause them heartache, humiliation and there is a possibility they may disown me. Also, I fear they wouldn't understand, because I am not a stereotypical gay girl. And now, well, I'm married. How on earth will they understand now?

I believe I had 3 options:
1. Stay single
2. Get married to a straight man
3. Get married to a gay man in a similar situation - MOC (marriage of convenience)

If I stayed single, my family would continuously be on my case looking for a suitable match for me. They would be heartbroken and I would probably end up living with my parents forever.

I could never marry a straight man. It would be wrong on so many levels. I couldn't pretend to be in love with someone, it's immoral. Not only that, I would probably become depressed over time and live an incredibly sad and empty life.

Doing an MOC with a gay man seemed to be a good solution to my dilemma. This way my family would be happy that I got married, and my husband would know exactly what he's getting into. Ohh, but the heartache I suffer now is immense...did I make the wrong decision? I'm still figuring this out...

Lesbian Married to Gay Man - MOC

I'm a lesbian married to a gay man...no, really. And let me tell you, it's one big roller coaster. I felt as though I had no choice but to marry a gay man, and now I'm not so sure. I'll unravel the details overtime regarding the misery that is called 'my marriage'...funny thing is, everything seems fine to the outside world. Sad reality is, I feel as though I'm going to explode...!!

I had a marriage of convenience, known as an MOC. An MOC between gay people is more common than you may think, in fact the numbers are probably shocking. Ads for an MOC usually go something like gay male looking for lesbian for marriage. I've scoured the web for men looking for an MOC and eventually found what I thought I was looking for. I will write about my experiences doing an MOC with a gay man and how this can either be the biggest mistake of my life, or the best thing I could have pulled off. Please stay tuned for a very interesting read on my life as I see it...