When I married my gay husband, he knew I couldn't cook. How did he know this? Because I said "I can't cook". He was fine with it; he told me it was irrelavent. Think about it, we're two gay people having an MOC (marriage of convenience) so that our families won't think we're gay. Why would me being a good cook factor into our decision? Well, it didn't. Or so I thought.
The other day, he texted me before he came home and asked me what we were having and I told him I was making spaghetti. He texted me back and asked if it had chicken in it, and I said no. So, he texts me back and says "absolutely not then, make something with chicken in it, I'll be home in 15 minutes and I'm starving". HOW RUDE! First of all, it's 8:00pm and I don't have the car, so I'm stuck with minimal food at home. Second of all, I CANT COOK! How gay is that?? Pardon the pun. Luckily, I had bought beef the night before and put it in the spaghetti.
When he got home, the first thing he did was go into the kitchen and complain that I hadn't put enough sauce in the food. He grabbed the utensil from me (gawd, I can't even think of the name of it right now) and started stirring the pot. He ordered me to go set the table and clean up, which I did. As soon as we sit down, our conversation went something like this:
HIM: How can you not know how to cook? You're asbolutely useless!
ME: Umm, I told you I don't know how to cook and you were okay with it...I dont unders--
HIM: Just shutup! If someone says they don't know how to cook, it means that they can't cook a lot of different foods, but they have at least 2 main dishes that they're good at
ME: Hmm. Well, I said "I can't cook". That meant, that I can't cook.
HIM: You're a pathetic excuse for a woman, even guys have one dish that they know how to cook well. I want you to list 10 Mexican dishes, 10 Italian dishes, 10 Chinese dishes, and 10 Japanese dishes. Go on. I'll give you a second to think about it, just list them out verbally to me.
ME: You're joking right?
HIM: Why the f*** would I be joking, you can't even list one dish from any of those cultures, what have you learnt all these years? Have you never been to a restaraunt in your life, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being if you ask me. I can't believe you conned me into marrying you
ME: I don't understand, all I did was put too little sauce in the food, and you're asking me to list out--
HIM: Just shutup and listen to me! You lied to me. You didn't give me any details or indication that all you can do is stick food in the microwave
ME: I told you I cant cook. How much more detail did you want??? Its self explanatory. I CANT COOK, means I CANT COOK!
HIM: My sister in law says she can't cook, but she knows how to cook so many different types of fajitas
ME: Well then you're calling her a liar.
HIM: You're a f*****g wh*re. You conned me ------
>INSERT FIGHT HERE<
Ugh, what a nasty, yet normal, day. This is a day when I actually stuck up for myself and managed to somewhat preserve my sanity and my dignity.
